Wednesday, December 29, 2010 { 7:24 AM }

Metamorphosis and Memories
(Letter to myself and my family)

This are really things I want to say. So bro,dad and mum please read this :)

I spent one whole week reflecting. And, I really think that i became a stronger person. The change in me is inspired by ISLE batam. It is my second overseas trip. The first was a combined uniform group trip to Malaysia. I went there and took the flying fox and experienced the feeling of climbing trees. After the trip, i become more brave.

I was reflecting from 22 December to 29 December. And coincidentally, it's my birthday today! I came to earth 17 years ago. While reflecting, I found the answers to the questions I always had. I finally found the answer. It feels like, getting to know yourself. I immersed myself into the surrounding, and I discovered that feeling of cool wind on your face is really comforting. It's as though I found a new me. Everything is exciting, and I am interested in everything. This was what I was like when I was young. Part of me is like a kid, thirsty for knowledge and I found the inquisitive self. I remembered that i enjoy music and dancing, but I am not good at it. Now, I am trying to be good in dancing. I want to familiarise myself with the feeling of relaxing and letting your body move.

I realised that I have changed a lot. And, the change is a good one. I became more mature, and I understood about life. I have learnt many important lessons. And, I know that it will benefit me in the future. I also find it easier to express myself through words. I only realised it lately. And I am thankful for the fact that I choose to go to batam. A big thank you to jaslin,sinhong,janael and zhisheng for organising this trip.

Ok, so, during the batam trip, I experienced new things. Also, i experienced a new world that i didn't know of in the past. I think it is because I was comparing the different groups of kids that i saw throughout the whole December holidays. First, i interacted with kids with complicated family background via the bridging programme. The programme is a programme to let the kids know what routine is, and it also teaches them what primary 1 school life is about.

In batam, I saw poor kids who might be mentally unstable. I think I was touched by what i have seen and heard from my friends. The kids there are really pure and innocent. They are really thankful and will repay you, through their own sweet gestures. And, you will feel really touched and feel like crying. This is because, you have never ever experienced such pure people.

On 27 dec, I interacted with the kids for the third time. I felt like I could communicate with them, be it through interpreting actions or words. The kids there just want somebody to be there with them and explain things to them. They are very curious about the world. And, they are still on the process of exploring. I was very patient on that day, and I explained everything that the kids asked me. Suddenly, I remembered that I was like them in the past. I was curious and I always ask my parents for answers to the questions that I have in my mind. I found the me during the childhood days.

I found the me who is 12 years old. I was very talkative back then. And I love English and Chinese. I like to learn, and i was in an EM1 class. I was sitting with the smartest guy in the school, and I think I learnt a lot, just by looking. Sometimes, emotions and feelings are more important than words.

I also found the depressed me. I was depressed in secondary three as I had to take over my CCA and I just wasn't ready yet. My brain is not as fast as the others, and the fact that I need to embrace change didn't register in my brain. Or maybe, I am always ignoring this fact in my sub conscious mind. This is why I didn't grow. I had problems interacting with my friends, and I felt that everything was wrong. I almost committed suicide. But, my family took me through this path by accompanying me. They were there when i feel lonely and sad. I am really very thankful for them.

Dad, thanks for giving me all the advices. You are my role model. You are an awesome father! Sorry for not respecting you at times, cos your brain is slower than mine. You need more time to learn how to use the Internet. And, I didn't have the patience to teach you everything from the basic. But now, I have learnt to be patient. Because I remembered that you teach me how to walk and talk when I was young. It is my turn to teach you all about technology now. The world now has evolved. It is no longer the same as the world 10 years ago.

Mum, thanks for taking care of the household chores in the house. I know that sometimes, you are forcing yourself to do the housework, because it is your responsibility. Sorry for not expressing my love and concern for you, because I didn't understand the importance of expressing myself back then. And thanks for giving birth to me. It gave me the chance to enjoy this beautiful and amazing world.

Bro, thanks for everything. I know you don't really like to talk, but I know that you are a good listener. I think you feel frustrated at home, because you cannot empathise with mum and dad. Or, simply, you may be just stressed up, because of your work. I just wanna tell you that you can tell me things u want to say. Don't bottle everything up. I will listen and give you advice if I can. This is because I have learnt the importance of listening. Everyone can be a good speaker, but it takes time for one to become a good listener. You are like my friend, just a older guy friend. Thanks for the iPhone, i will really treasure it and not misplace it. I won't be careless anymore. I promise that I will change this careless side of me.

The next entry will be a letter to my friends.