Friday, December 31, 2010 { 5:24 PM }

Random thoughts
2am and choir
Taemin,SNSD,Mass dance with dance
Love concerto with photography,feelings,despair,illness,piano melody,cute kids(xxb!)
Yu le bai fen bai(taiwan and kpop news, luo zhi xiang,xiao gui, hu die jiejie)
Games(monopoly,monopoly deal,truth or dare, totem, bonding games,orientation games,sentosa games,red cross games,jigsaw,magic,gifts,miracles)
Social networking(heart,brain,fb,twitter,formspring,iphone,youtube,WGM(kuntoria,yonghwa,kpop)
Presents(cookies,games,wii,video,swings,bottle tree,bridge,water,nature,landscaping,rocks)

I guess, my mind is no longer confused. at least for now...

{ 2:16 PM }

2010 reflections and 2011 resolutions

I have learnt a lot in 2010, and I think reflecting is really good. It will help you adapt to changes. Have been reading up on science,maths and psychology, and I really enjoy what I am learning!

Major events: Orientation,DISC,1036,squash,interact club,friends,food,good news cafe, fishermen's cove,pw,facebook,twitter,formspring,ISLE batam,music,monopoly board game and monopoly deal, harry potter and twilight,grenade,airplanes,blade,sky,stars,firework,dark,light

Learn to close your eyes and imagine what the world feels like. Imagine the feeling of touching the grass on the floor and the flowing water. Reflect, but stop reflecting when you feel tired.

The feeling that I am experiencing now, is like...I am back from outer space. Outer space includes the Disneyland, dreamworld, magic world, the world in which miracles happen. It is also the scientific world, where everything is explained by concepts, psychology concepts, to be exact.

I will stop reflecting by 12 midnight, and I am gonna watch the KBS music festival. I think SNSD,shinee,super junior,kim hyun joong, jung so min,2NE1,miss A,tara,f(x) are really idols. They have the X factor, they can sing and dance using their hearts.

Note to self: Learn to sing and dance. Appreciate the music and let your body move freely. Know the difference between black and white, the difference between day and night.

Movies i like: Twilight series(edward and bella), harry potter series(harry potter and hermione), fairytales(minnie mouse), cartoons(doraemon!)

They are all opposites that attract. And i planned out my schedule for next week! Buy a schedule book, and plan, Keep your life organized and neat. Go to places you want to go, buy and eat things you want. Listen and play, explore your curious self. Be more sensitive to changes in moods etc

I love my family and friends, because we can communicate without talking. We understand what each other ones.

I explored the world of animals and kids. I like bubbles, balloons and emotions. I like learning now. I am trying to improve on my chemistry and mathematics.

I can see stars and fireworks at night. I can feel the warm breeze in the day. I can hear the birds chirping and I can hear music!

I love songs by bruno mars,sam tsui, christina,lady gaga,justin bieber,katy perry,farenheit,SHE,hebe,ding dang,liu li yang etc...

I like pink things. Strawberry,phone,sweets,minnie mouse,flowers. I like blue. It is associated with water and peace. I like green. I will think of trees and grasses and the jungle. Colours are fascinating. Rainbow means a perfect combination of colours.

The brain works by remembering links to concepts, photos, videos, pictures, music, body movement, neurons, transmitters.

I think i am done reflecting about 2010. My goal for next year is to get good A level results, make more friends, talk about religion freely, talk about social networking sites, talk about nature and food :)

I will behave the way my heart is telling me to. People's opinions about me is no longer that important. To stay healthy, your mind have to stay strong! :)

Note to self: study,squash,interact,friends,family,nature,touch,see,listen,hear,feel. Be thankful and love your friends :)

Hear minds with your brain.

Thursday, December 30, 2010 { 6:13 PM }

Celebrated my birthday with Wan Ting and Qian Ru yesterday! Thanks, for being there when I need a listening ear! Really appreciate it. And thanks so much for your gifts, I really like them! I have realised that the value of the present is not that important, what matters most is the feeling you get when you know that they did/bought the present for you.
The pretty card that Wan Ting made for me! :)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010 { 7:50 AM }

Part 2- letter to my friends.

I realised the importance of friends. Everyone need friends. You need a person to accompany you when you feel alone, sad or happy. This is because you want to share everything with them. I realised that I have made a lot of friends this year, and I know the existence of many people. I stalk people on facebook, not because I am a stalker with no life. I stalk people because I am interested in their lives and I want to know what is on their mind.

I can sort of like read minds now. I will sense it when you are feeling depressed, helpless or stressed up. These are all emotions that human beings possess. Everyone will feel something for a period of time. And, I feel a need to connect with the person and help them when they are in need.

This post is dedicated to my friends in 1036, squash, interact club and new friends that I have made. We met because of the 3 days 2 nights batam service learning trip. I think everyone discovered a new side of themselves there. I am inferring from what you guys have said during the reflection.

I realised that some people are more mature than many others. This is because they learn quickly. They are adaptable to changes. Remembering, the time keeps moving and won't stop. And change is the only constant. We must all adapt so that we can feel happy in the world that we are living in.

There are actually a lot of worlds on earth. There is a place where you can connect with Mother nature. There is also a place that you are familiar with. It is the place where you take a transport to somewhere you want to go. Also, there is the online world, the virtual world. It is very different from real life, as you do not know who is observing your every single move. Stalking people is made possible by the social networking sites like blogger,formspring,twitter and last but not least facebook.
If you do not want to reveal your private life to people, I suggest that you abstain from the online world. Put in 100% of your heart and soul in what you are doing in real life. You will find a lot of things familiar and easy. When I am concentrating, I feel that communicating with my friends or the children is really easy. This is because my brain is working, and I have learnt how to express myself using words. When I was young, I expressed myself mainly through actions. Now, I have learnt to express myself through words,actions and eye contact.

I am really grateful that I chose to enter a JC. I learnt a lot about life in JC. Through project work, i realised the importance of meeting deadline and being punctual. It is also important to discuss and listen to your group members. In this way, things can be done more efficiently. And, for every project, there MUST be a leader. The leader must take charge. Everyone who are in doubt will consult the leader. There should be a leader and follower in this case.

I was also exposed to English. And now it is called general paper. It is about common sense and general knowledge. To do well in it, you must be interested in world affairs. Common topics include education, poverty, religion, science and technology, fame, life, friendships, relationships. You have to have an opinion on every topic, and u have to express your opinions by writing an essay out. It will then be graded by the teachers. You will know how well you have performed and how much u need to improve to be perfect through your GP results. Practice makes perfect. Perfect does not mean flawless. Perfect means you are satisfied with your work because you gave it your best shot! :)

You will feel high and happy when you see that your get the results because u have worked hard for it. However, if the output is < than the effort that you have put in, you will start to complain about how unfair life is. Humans are just this weird.

I have a lot to say to some of my friends. I will first start with those in CT 1036(My class)

Asaph: Stay happy. Share your problems with your close friends so that they can make you feel happy. I hope that you can find true friends in choir and also in your new class. I think you are really talented and is very developed in singing and sports. Continue to learn and improve! :)

Chek wei: Hi pw,econs and gossiping mate! I think you should really give yourself some time to rest. You have too many commitments now. Learn to let go so that you will feel better. Also,I realised that you are always staying up late to complete your work. You should really try to change this bad habit of yours. Maybe you can prioritise your work to be done and do it until 11pm. If there is still a lot left, just go and sleep and continue with the rest of your work tomorrow. :) Thanks for lending me a listening ear when i needed it! I really appreciate it! :)

Jaslin: Hi, I think you are one of my best friends. Actually, I think that you enjoy being alone. But u keep thinking that you are lonely because there is no friends accompanying you. This is not true at all. We are all here and you can ask us out when you want to meet us. You can call us when you need to hear our voice. You can meet us after school so that u can share your emotions with us. This is what friends are for. Don't think too much when you are alone. Try to understand your mum. I think she is really very concerned and worried about you.

Huiru: Hi, you are awesome too! You are a great friend i dont wanna lose in 2011! I think the biggest problem that u have is that you dun like to talk. You like to bottle all your emotions inside youself. You only let your emotions out in the form of tears because you cannot take it anymore. I hope you can change this. Start by telling me how you are feeling, and when you think you are comfortable with the changes, you can just let your emotions free. Cry when you want to. Smile when you want to. Trust me, you will feel happier this way. And, teach me maths ok! I am really weak in maths...and I will try to teach you econs/gp if u need my help :)

Rujun: Hi! I hope i didn't scare you. I think I was just reflecting and i was trying to familiarise myself with the new me. I think you are a great listener but you should speak up more. Thanks for being there when i broke down. You have been by my side twice. I will really appreciate it! :)

Melissa: Hello cui kia! haha, I am just joking. I think you have excellent self control, keep it up! Teach me h1 Chem ok! I know nuts about chemistry. Thanks for being there on Monday! Thanks for listening to me...

Jun hoe: Hello! Thanks for giving me advices! I think that your English is really very zai! I am trying to learn from you! I want to improve my English too! I think you are really creative and helpful at times, but i think you should not be too absorbed with your own thoughts at times...

Qianyi: Hi, I hope i didnt freak you out. I think you find my brain interesting right? I find yours interesting too. Maybe next time we can share with each other how our brain functions. Thanks for introducing me to the tutor! Thanks for introducing the pretty stationery and items under your bed! I like your big house and your 2 big dogs! :)

Jinxia: I think that you are very vocal, and you are good at expressing yourself. Thanks for the advices that you gave me. I really appreciate them. Thanks for being there when i need someone. really, thank you! :)

These are all my heartfelt feelings....

p/s i will edit this post when i think of what to say to each person in the class.

{ 7:24 AM }

Metamorphosis and Memories
(Letter to myself and my family)

This are really things I want to say. So bro,dad and mum please read this :)

I spent one whole week reflecting. And, I really think that i became a stronger person. The change in me is inspired by ISLE batam. It is my second overseas trip. The first was a combined uniform group trip to Malaysia. I went there and took the flying fox and experienced the feeling of climbing trees. After the trip, i become more brave.

I was reflecting from 22 December to 29 December. And coincidentally, it's my birthday today! I came to earth 17 years ago. While reflecting, I found the answers to the questions I always had. I finally found the answer. It feels like, getting to know yourself. I immersed myself into the surrounding, and I discovered that feeling of cool wind on your face is really comforting. It's as though I found a new me. Everything is exciting, and I am interested in everything. This was what I was like when I was young. Part of me is like a kid, thirsty for knowledge and I found the inquisitive self. I remembered that i enjoy music and dancing, but I am not good at it. Now, I am trying to be good in dancing. I want to familiarise myself with the feeling of relaxing and letting your body move.

I realised that I have changed a lot. And, the change is a good one. I became more mature, and I understood about life. I have learnt many important lessons. And, I know that it will benefit me in the future. I also find it easier to express myself through words. I only realised it lately. And I am thankful for the fact that I choose to go to batam. A big thank you to jaslin,sinhong,janael and zhisheng for organising this trip.

Ok, so, during the batam trip, I experienced new things. Also, i experienced a new world that i didn't know of in the past. I think it is because I was comparing the different groups of kids that i saw throughout the whole December holidays. First, i interacted with kids with complicated family background via the bridging programme. The programme is a programme to let the kids know what routine is, and it also teaches them what primary 1 school life is about.

In batam, I saw poor kids who might be mentally unstable. I think I was touched by what i have seen and heard from my friends. The kids there are really pure and innocent. They are really thankful and will repay you, through their own sweet gestures. And, you will feel really touched and feel like crying. This is because, you have never ever experienced such pure people.

On 27 dec, I interacted with the kids for the third time. I felt like I could communicate with them, be it through interpreting actions or words. The kids there just want somebody to be there with them and explain things to them. They are very curious about the world. And, they are still on the process of exploring. I was very patient on that day, and I explained everything that the kids asked me. Suddenly, I remembered that I was like them in the past. I was curious and I always ask my parents for answers to the questions that I have in my mind. I found the me during the childhood days.

I found the me who is 12 years old. I was very talkative back then. And I love English and Chinese. I like to learn, and i was in an EM1 class. I was sitting with the smartest guy in the school, and I think I learnt a lot, just by looking. Sometimes, emotions and feelings are more important than words.

I also found the depressed me. I was depressed in secondary three as I had to take over my CCA and I just wasn't ready yet. My brain is not as fast as the others, and the fact that I need to embrace change didn't register in my brain. Or maybe, I am always ignoring this fact in my sub conscious mind. This is why I didn't grow. I had problems interacting with my friends, and I felt that everything was wrong. I almost committed suicide. But, my family took me through this path by accompanying me. They were there when i feel lonely and sad. I am really very thankful for them.

Dad, thanks for giving me all the advices. You are my role model. You are an awesome father! Sorry for not respecting you at times, cos your brain is slower than mine. You need more time to learn how to use the Internet. And, I didn't have the patience to teach you everything from the basic. But now, I have learnt to be patient. Because I remembered that you teach me how to walk and talk when I was young. It is my turn to teach you all about technology now. The world now has evolved. It is no longer the same as the world 10 years ago.

Mum, thanks for taking care of the household chores in the house. I know that sometimes, you are forcing yourself to do the housework, because it is your responsibility. Sorry for not expressing my love and concern for you, because I didn't understand the importance of expressing myself back then. And thanks for giving birth to me. It gave me the chance to enjoy this beautiful and amazing world.

Bro, thanks for everything. I know you don't really like to talk, but I know that you are a good listener. I think you feel frustrated at home, because you cannot empathise with mum and dad. Or, simply, you may be just stressed up, because of your work. I just wanna tell you that you can tell me things u want to say. Don't bottle everything up. I will listen and give you advice if I can. This is because I have learnt the importance of listening. Everyone can be a good speaker, but it takes time for one to become a good listener. You are like my friend, just a older guy friend. Thanks for the iPhone, i will really treasure it and not misplace it. I won't be careless anymore. I promise that I will change this careless side of me.

The next entry will be a letter to my friends.

Sunday, December 26, 2010 { 7:05 PM }

I am still sick! And I have already been sick for 4 days! :(

It started with vomiting, then sore throat, fever, flu and cough :(

I only slept for 3 hours last night and this resulted in a throbbing headache. I am still stubbornly sitting in front of the computer for hours. I dunno why too. maybe i am addicted to the net. (shit, i need to get rid of this addiction by 31 dec)

Will blog about ISLE batam and tml's interact event and red cross outing soon! And, jaslin and melissa came to my house today! I hope i don't spread my virus to them. Don't fall sick k.

Stay tuned!

p/s sorry for the flood on twitter and form spring today. was super bored at home and the only thing i can do is to surf the net.

I think that wii is super fun! i must go and buy more games! and i have 3 remote controls now!

Life's good.

Happy boxing day people!

Saturday, December 25, 2010 { 1:38 AM }

was in batam from 20 dec to 22 dec. photos are up on fb, i am lazy to upload it here.

did manual work for 2 days. i painted the walls, tables and try sawing the wood. also scrubbed the floor to get rid of the paint. i swear that manual work is freaking tiring.

i guess i really learnt a lot from this. i will try to not take things for granted and not waste food.

was sick on third day of batam cos of the smell of seafood there. vomited and i still have to go to the miniature park and megamall. really no mood to sight see or shop cos i kept feeling nauseous

i really cant stand the smell of the fishes and the taste of the sour coconut at golden prawn restaurant.

in all, the batam trip was memorable, i hope that there will be one more after our As next year! and i made new friends also truth or dare was really very entertaining. but i was super suay cos i got truth twice, but at least it's not dare haha

have been sick since wed but still went to work at st nicks (secondary section) ytd and today. earned some $ but i dont have a chance to spend it. i am stuck at home

will only update when i have something to blog about. this post seems v.random cos my brain is shutting down.

my blog might be on hiatus. lost the blogging feel, and everyone's not updating their blog too!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! enjoy yourself!

Saturday, December 18, 2010 { 9:54 AM }

was involved in the bridging programme from 6-17 dec at yishun primary school! the things that we do are teaching the 6 years old alphabets, numbers, making sentences, singing and dancing! i admit that it gets boring after a while cos it is repetitive! u are doing the same things for 10 days! but the kids are really cute! i sort of miss them now.

volunteers! they are wei bin, mellissa, joan, hyo jung, marvin, javier, chong wei, samuel and sufy

went studying with huiru after the learning journey at bottle tree park. i sat at the prawn pond for 2 hours! was on duty there cos we need to prevent the kids from going near the pond. heng no kids drowned or fell in the pond.

i finished my GP homework! not gonna do the ones in gmail. half done with the geo essays. i completed 4 out of 8! gonna leave maths and chem to the last.

i think there's still a long way to go for the econs project. :(

going to batam for a sl trip from 20-22 dec! working on 23 dec! guess the rests of the days are for homework,cca, econs meeting and outings. cant wait to meet my friends!