Saturday, November 08, 2008 { 10:41 PM }

after letting the blog rot for 17 days, i have decided to blog..at long last
i have made a major decision and i hope i wont regret this choice
to others, i may be selfish, leaving them behind while i am enjoying but this isnt true
it is not that i dun care about the unit.
if i care for the unit, who will care about my results?
wat will happen if i get bad result and dun get into a school of my choice?
will you be able to support me till i am old?
i cant possibly wait for others to support me..
i also realised that friendship is very fragile.it is not that i have changed, but it is YOU who have made such a major change that you became someone i dunno
we no longer have common topics...
my parents have been quarrelling lately and they might file for a divorce..
my future is up to me..not them..they wont be with me forever
i also cant wait for my bro to support me..he will have a family to take care of and i cant possibly add on to the burden
do you think i am very happy after making this choice and going out to celebrate?
over this issue, i spent sleepless nights and cried which i dont normally do so..
but i dun say that out neither do i complain..so i dun think anyone will understand
have you ever treasured me when i m there?
i m always the one conducting lessons,taking trainings when you are emo-ing..but have you realised that i might be gone one day?
it really hurts me to hear your reply and it is not that i want to avoid you
but wat can i say or do when i see you?
i will still be deemed as a quitter not going through thick and thin with you guys, putting up with that cold look of yours
i could choose to have friends,juniors and batch mates..but i gave all that up just for my studies. to me, studies is alwys the first prioity.cant you see how competitive the world is?
you wont be able to understand the stress i have gone thorugh for the first half of the year
talking to my teachers,counsellors,losing weight,not having the appetite to eat, crying all day,headaches due to thinking too much,never ending things to consider and think about
i m really sick and tired of all those..therefore i have made up this choice.i have already put in 3 years into this unit...
sorry if u feel betrayed or disappointed or whatsoever. i cant do anything, i cant go back and sacrifice my studies and future. i know no amount of explaining helps because it has become a fact.SORRY is the only word i can say. hope all of you can understand.
if i dun give a damn about this unit, i would not have came back when u all dun have enough people for the NDP
i wont consider this long be4 making this choice
i wont shed so much tears because of this
i wont go against my parents to come back
i wont put up with someone whom i hate a lot because of her attitude and everything..so wat if you are doing things now?where were you when we needed you to do your part for the proposal? giving us excuses,backstabbing me..i m putting up with you i tell you..dun take things for granted and dont brag about wat u have done cos it is just a fake..you can lie to everyone but you will know wat u have done

now, i have learnt to give up and not clutch on too tight
i will be the only one miserable
so why not live a happier life instead of torturing myself?
GOODBYE

stop quarelling mum and dad..............