Friday, May 16, 2008 { 4:13 PM }

updated over such a long long time.
to tell you a fact,perhaps it's a v.long break that i wan to continue forever
i doubt anyone would see this since i have disappeared for so long
although mye's over,more troubles are coming up
pressure from parents,threatening to give up something that i have clung on for such a long,long time although how painful and perhaps torturing it was for me
mayb it's just that i cant manage stress well
only live on this world for 15 years and i feel like ending my life
i tried attempting suicide,but i cant really pluck up my courage to do it.i was thinking that i can jump off from my house and everything will be gone,sufferings,pressure,stress and everything

i really dunno why the things i do for others are NEVER appreciated
perhaps people just take it for granted and neither was i given any rewards
mayb in the eyes of others, i am just someone stupid who does everything for them
and as human's selfish nature,those ppl like me will be taken advantage
they dun even give a hoot about your well beings and put on a fake front to please someone who can benefit them
i detest this type of people..and some frens around me..i really dun understand what is in their mind and it seems like they are backstabbing you without you even knowing it
perhaps i m too sensitive,but my instincts are usually correct, i could predict something that can happen in the future

i always felt so left out..having done so many things but still deemed as a useless person
some people are just born lucky, they are born to have everything, $$, care,power,friends

mayb if i left just like that, people will think that i m irresponsible, leave them in the lurch
but have they ever thought about this situation if they are in my shoes?
i have slogged it out for 3 years and do you think that i won't feel anything? i have put in so much effort but sometimes,you need luck other than putting in effort
i just feel that i m someone who can be replaced easily,not like others, who shine like a star everwhere and get people's attention and care

talking about results,it's truly disappointing
blame it all on me for making the wrong choice in life and i have no choice but to deal with it
but do you know how hard studying is if like majority of the people dun give a heck about studying and the noise they created?i just cry, i cant even do anything
what have i done to deserve this?
it's true that the sec 1 and 2 classes are the BEST,but although i tried to treasure it, 2 years isnt a long time
i just hope that i can change everything..perhaps by seeing the principal
i can't stand the bo chap attitude of others and i will always try to do everything to brighten the situation but it's is never solved
and i think that teachers also dunno what to do with us
perhaps their heart is already dead
and for the first time in my life i got an E and an F, and i really stupid..and it's maths and physics

treasure your time in secondary two cos you wont get to enjoy life in sec 3 and 4
you have to keep up with ur results
be the leaders of the cca
please your teachers and parents
trust me...it's not easy at all although i really REALLY tried v.hard to do it

and i hate people who think that it's the end of the world when they scored A,B or C..to someone who scored a F9 like me,it's truly a big 打击

so what if i gt the highest for English,it's still so lan
so what i get the perhaps third for chem?
others results suck like hell,maths and phys especially..other ppl do not need to rub it in..
those who gt terrible results in sec 2 results that are a lot better than mine
i really cant believe how i gt a 36
i tink this year be 150++ also cannot

i didnt receive a shit even if i put in all my effort
and being stressed is not i act de, you think lose weight,have dark eye rings,headache and moody moods i want de isit..it's not an excuse i m repeating again..it hurts..
all those counselling session, i cried a lot
and people just dun care about u
they just want to get what they WANT
and pushing us so hard..although it might be a motivation,it might hurt us deeply
dunno really wat to say
sry if it's a depressing post after the blog has rotted for so long
I M JUST SOMEONE WHO CAN BE REPLACED
so near yet so far..3 years..will it go down the drain?i seriously dunno